It's almost Christmas again! Which means this blog of mine has been around for nearly a year! Sigh .. How times flies sia ? I would say that this has been quite a wonderful year, with it's periods of joys but also stress.
Anonymous left me a messgae in my tagboard say why I always seem so angry, even over the littlest thing, and I really have no answer to that either. One thing that makes me angry is my grandma's issue. I really resent the fact that everyone takes it for granted that once I do it, I'll always be there. And when I say everyone, I really mean everyone! My parents, my uncles & aunties, my cousins and even my brothers. It really gets to me.
I have to clarify, I don't resent my grandma or feel that she's a burden, I just resent everyone dumping their duties on me! I mean, she's either their mother or their grandmother, not just my grandma, so why can't they put in a little effort to look after her? Just because I'm the only one who's not married, therefore I've plenty of time? The next time someone asks me why I'm not dating or married yet, I'm going to retort them with "Do I have time to go out dating? Can a guy accept someone who has to rush home all the time to prepare lunch or dinner?"
It really saddens me and I can feel that it suddens my grandma too. I think the only time my uncles ever come to visit my grandma is only during New Year or whenever she has a hospital check-up. She makes sure she calls different uncle to bring her to her check-up so that they'll be able to do their duty as sons! Can you believe it? She has to actually arrange all these appointments so that they can fulfill their duties instead of them being more fillial. Fucking hell.
It really pisses me greatly! I always tell Fann "If I can't even expect help from my own family members, how can I expect help from others? If my own family doesn't even want to volunteer to help, why should I expect that from you?" My uncles and parents all even take it for granted that Fann is around, so she can help also. I mean, come-on, dun throw your own face okie? Just because people are staying at my house, it doesn't mean that she's expected to help. If she's helping, its' only because she's being helpful and kind, it's NOT THAT SHE MUST! Damn you people !
My parents just know how to sit back and relax, because their daughter (ME!) can do all the work! Bring grandma go wash up. Give grandma breakfast, lunch & dinner. Wash grandma's potty! Everything their supergirl daughter can do! Fuck! It's a good thing I have a motorbike now, otherwise how am I expected to fly home sometimes I dunno. Sometimes I wish there're 2 of me so that 1 can stay at home, and 1 can go out to enjoy myself. Even simple things like clearing bowls I have to tell my father to do, otherwise the bowl will just sit and rot and collect flies in the room without anyone realising it.
Sometimes I want to have a big cry, and kick up a big fuss, but what's the use? Still got no one to come forward to help
I was suppose to blog about something happy, but the more I blogged about this topic, the angrier and sadder I become.. Sigh...
Will continue with happy thoughts tomorrow.
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