Chapter 400 ~ Lost

Why do all the bad things happen at the same time? I'm so lost that I really dunno what I am expected to do or think.

Was down with fever and cough and went to see doctor on Sunday. Given 2 days mc for Monday and Tuesday.

Wednesday something bad happened to me at work. Shall no elaborate, but those who are close will know.

Ah Ma also caught my virus and was down with cough, so brought her to the doctor and she was given some anti-biotics. She was still feeling weak on Thursday, but gotten a little better on Friday. Saturday afternoon she suddenly become very chatty and I thought it was a good sign.

Came home from [X] birthday dinner on Sunday morning about 2 am and discovered Ah Ma talking away in the morning. I thought maybe she was sleep talking so I switched on the lights outside and walked in to check on her. Saw her eyes wide open and being very alert. Asked her who she was talking to and she said Roka, our maid. I said Roka was already sleeping adn told her to sleep as it was very late. She said ok ok. 5 mins later, I heard her talking again. Went in and saw her eyes wide open again. Asked her what's happening and she said Roka went to heat up the porridge and she wanted to eat. I said it's 3 in the morning, no more porridge. She said 3 nevermind, she wanted to eat. So I went to make her some oatmeal and she proceeded to eat. I thought this should be the end. Messaged Fann about what's happening and said I was scared. Luckily she was already on the way home. But the whole night, Ah Ma was just not being her usual self. She kept talking and talking as if there was someone there with her and talking to her. In the end, we had to try and coax her to the hospital. She refused to go and said her cough was better. In the end, managed to get her to the hospital and after all the ECG and bloodtest, doctor said nothing is wrong and she could answer all his questions, so he'll just prescribe some medicine for her phelgm and she could go home. Brought her home and gave her medicine, thought she would get drowsy and get some sleep. But no .. She just kept on talking and talking and talking. By afternoon, she was still talking and I immediately message my aunty to inform her and she came by later to visit. Said this could be a symptom of her dementia. Some people might be quiet, but Ah Ma was the type to talk and talk. Sigh, said there's nothing we can do about it. I've never cried in front of my aunty before and this time, I just could not control anymore. We said nothing much we can do now, except to just let her have what she wants and spend her remaining days happily. If the rests of the idiots can live with their conscience by not coming to visit, then so be it. So anyway, Ah Ma only managed to fall asleep at 5am this morning. So I told Roka, just let her sleep till about 1, then we'll wake her up for lunch. Then when we woke her up to eat, her whole behaviour like change again. She doesn't want to sit and eat much. Keeps wanting to lie down and keeps saying she's giddy. And she like wanna throw tantrum. Behaving like a child. Sigh. She just ate like few mouthfuls of porridge and refuses to eat anymore. So now when we talk to her, have to coax her like a little kid. Sigh..

I'm feeling so lost and really dunno what to do. It's like I'm also having anxiety attacks. Every little sound makes me jump and I'm not getting enough sleep and food. I know Fann and Smelly are very concerned about me and my health, but I really can't bring myself to eat much. Maybe it's a good chance to diet. My heart feels like it's going to stop any minute and Fann keeps telling me to take it easy and say whatever is in my mind out. Don't keep things to myself, otherwise something sure happen. I'm trying .. that's why I'm blogging. Why? Why do bad things happen at the same time?

Anyway, just wanna wish Smelly a Happy 11th Monthsary .. sorry if I have been so down lately ..